This month, as part of Scarleteen's fundraising efforts , we have the pleasure of having some folks we love guest-writing for our advice section. For your question, I was delighted to be able to ask Hanne Blank to answer it for you. She's currently at work on a new book, Straight, which is a critical look at how an aspect of sex heterosexuality that often appears eternal and monolithic is actually anything but. Hanne also was one of the people who helped get Scarleteen going over ten years ago. It's awesome to have her visiting here, and I think she's got some answers to your questions that are just right. Hanne says It seems to me there are more questions here than just the two you ask.
https://media-cldnry.s-nbcnews.com/image/upload/t_social_share_1024x768_scale,f_auto,q_auto:best/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/g-hlt-130227-glee-515p.jpgIf a Straight Man Wants to Make Love with a Transgender Woman, Does It Mean He’s Gay? Episode 08
Here are the ones I am seeing:. Should you date someone who identifies as a different sexual orientation than you? It really depends on what you want out of your dating relationship. Human beings are complicated and sexual orientation is nowhere near cut and dried. Not only are some people genuinely bisexual in their orientation, but people also sometimes just fall for who they fall for, regardless of how they identify.
Also, sometimes people want to experiment with something outside of their usual preferences. As someone who studies the history of sexual orientation, I tell people to think of sexual orientation as a sort of probability — a way to tell what the odds are that someone will be attracted in one direction or another. But also know that those exceptions sometimes happen. When you get into a relationship with someone, you do not stop having responsibility for your actions. You ADD the responsibility of knowing that your reactions will also affect your partner. What it means is that when you do or say things, and your partner reacts to them, you have to take that reaction on the chin like a big girl. Do people get hurt when relationships end? You bet. Is this something you can avoid? Not really.
I'm a gay man, but now I am feeling attracted to women
You can be kind and compassionate when you end a relationship. Because most relationships, especially among younger people, do end at some point, or shift into different kinds of relationships than they started as, a change everyone or anyone in a relationship might not like or be happy about. Are you dating another individual human being? Or are your friends actually the ones who are going on the dates with this guy? Using other people as status symbols is really pretty awful, when you think about it. Would you rather someone date you because they actually liked you or thought you were interesting and exciting, or because they wanted the approval they got from other people for dating you? There are only people who are better for YOU to date. Tell your friends to stick a sock in it, and let you make up your own mind about what's right for you.
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You want to know whether a "gay personality" means someone is gay. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: there is no such thing as a "gay personality. For real. Mostly, people act like people. I can also guarandamntee you that there are or at some point will be people in your life who you think might be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans gender because of something about the way they look, the way they act, the way they cut their hair, the kind of clothes they wear, the way they talk, or what have you… and you will be wrong, as wrong as it is possible to be. It is not fact, it is not truth. It is what you are assuming based on information that may or may not be the right kind of information to tell you what you think it does. The fact that Adam Lambert is gay and wears makeup does not mean that all men who wear makeup are gay any more than it means that all men who wear makeup are Adam Lambert. It does not work that way.
This Is What Happens When An Openly Gay Man Falls In Love With A Woman
In most of life, and most of the interactions we have with people, there is absolutely no reason it matters. Now we get down to brass tacks. The only person who can tell you is him. If you genuinely want to know how this friend identifies his own sexual orientation, you will just have to ask him. I would recommend doing it in private.
Men's Health Magazine
Regardless of what he says, I recommend two other things. First, that you accept whatever he says as true. And second, you honor your promise to keep your mouth shut. Your friend is the authority about what is true for him. I hope this helps you answer your own questions. Straight or gay matters a whole lot less than whether you are thinking clearly and being honest and making the right decisions for the right reasons. Here are a few extra links that might give you some more help in thinking all of this through:.
I’m gay, but I fancy a woman
Skip to main content. I'm a girl, he's a guy, and we're dating I am dating this guy and I think he is gay. He had dated many girls recently but he has a 'gay' personality. He is very friendly, uses make-up and when I and my friends are around him we feel like he is a sister. My friends thinks I could do better but I am not sure if I should break up with him or not and he is emotional so I don't know how to tell him if I am going to break up with him. Is he gay? Should I break up with him? You want to know whether or not you should date someone who identifies as a different sexual orientation than you. I'm her one and onlyI'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it. Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom and a bunch of other places, TBH. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Dear Sexplain It,. I have been married to my partner now for seven years. During quarantine, he came out as a trans man. Our relationship has gotten so much better since he came out as trans.
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